"Definite Maybe": the mantra of young adults and what we can do to change it

The other day I was reading over an invite message to a party and some of the comments being made by invitees. You know, where people tell you they really want to come but have something more awesome to do instead? One of the comments made in RSVP was "put me down as a definite maybe!" I thought, what is a "definite maybe?" Is that where you commit with no strings attached? Now, I know this person and think highly of them. And I'm sure they didn't analyze their comment like I did. It got me thinking about my generation and something that bothers me. I've written about what in America is described as "emerging adulthood" here. That young adults are reaching major "milestones" (marriage, independence, children, etc) at a later age is no secret. What the "definite maybe" phrase reveals of our generation is this: We don't commit to much.

We wait to make weekend plans until all possible offers have been reviewed. It usually goes like this: Friend: "Hey, what are you up to this weekend?" You: "Not sure yet" (in your head: I'm waiting to see if anyone else asks me. anyone.) Friend: "Ok, well we're gonna go to ___________, so you should come." You: "Yea, I'll let you know." (in your head: I'll say my phone died and/or my grandma needed a couch moved) This "definite maybe" attitude spills over into other relationships, even dating. We hang out in groups exhaustively because we don't want to ask a girl out. Here's a great article on that issue, by the way. I especially agree when the authors say, "If you're over 18 and you're still using Facebook applications to let someone know you're interested in them, you need to be punched in the face." It seems like the one area we're great at commitment is the 2-yr cell phone contract to get the newest smartphone. How can we change this? We can start taking risks and making decisions knowing that we don't control our circumstances. Instead of always waiting for something better to come along, maybe we can invest in the opportunity and ask God to work out the rest. Maybe instead of "waiting on God" to bring us a mate we can take notice of the people right in front of us and pursue a relationship (with a phone call guys!!!) Maybe instead of jumping from one job to the next we can put in a few years of time and effort and see what happens. Maybe we can change from a "definite maybe" to a "most definitely". What criticisms do you hear about young adults?

God's "Transition" Agenda

I have recently come across a term for the Twenty-somethings: emerging adulthood. This term is coined by Jeff Arnett, a psychologist at Clark University. Arnett contends that a new, distinct life stage is developing for young adults based on social and economic changes. For Arnett, these changes are similar to the ones that led to the introduction of the adolescent stage in the early 1900's. The facts are clear: people are taking longer to pass through the circumstancial marks of arriving into adulthood: completing school, financial independence, and marrying and starting a family. Some people pass these marks at different points and in varying order. Some take longer than others to reach them. This stage of life, Arnett says, is composed of a deeper search for identity and reflection on future possibilities. I am in this stage myself. Like many others in this stage, I am tempted to think that significance only comes when reaching certain milestones in life. The temptation is to think that it is only when I come out on the other side of "transition" that life will truly start to be gratifying. When talking with others about our plans, those of us in this stage often feel the pressure to justify our current status. What I fear is that our focus on arriving into the next stage of life will keep us from experiencing God's transforming power now. I'm thankful that God never asks us to arrive in the next stage of life before He can work. He deals with us right where we are. There are no "transitional" phases with Him.

• David's transitional phase was the exact place where God called him out of leading sheep to leading Israel (1 Sam. 16; Ps. 78:71).
• Moses led the Israelites through the transition of desert life in which they learned to trust God to provide (Ex. 16).
• Paul was "in transition" for three years in which the calling of God was affirmed for Him (Gal. 1:17).

God deals with us in transformational ways, not transitional. If you are like me and in a so-called transitional stage, know that God does amazing things in unexpected places. Thank Him for what He's doing TODAY. Jesus knew the worries of tomorrow would keep us from finding pleasure in God today (Matt. 6). Don't let the uncertainties of your transition trap you into a corner. Living "in transition" can be the most powerful time of your life. It might just be the time that God uses to shape you into who He wants you to be. Open your eyes and ears. Let God do his thing with you TODAY!